Time for some early 70s Space Rock - FOUR LAWS

[rayc]

Not quite but it's a start of an idea.
It's a variation of a progression I used a decade ago in a song called The Master.
This is a bit space rockier I hope though not as Rotor like as my last attempt.
Only DI, (12 string & bass), DI & amp in a box, (6 string), with BIAB drums as well as organ so far - sketching ideas and arrangement before tracking properly.
Any suggestions, thoughts happily accepted.
31/08

falconfart310823.mp3

I've been playing around with a little MIDI keyboard - playing/recording live rather than programming - more flips, flops, hesitancy and timing issues bring a little more colour to the thing.
I've added some Mellotron sounds via that keyboard as they, sort of, fit the early 70s thing.
Tweaked the dynamics a bit too.
01/09

falconfart010923.mp3

A little mix tweak to address the Mellotron's slow attack & release on significant chord changes as well as lifting the drone level. I also dealt with a weak bass note...the change was from D to Dm to F so used A for the Dm but it came across as weak so I've replaced it with D.
02/09

falconfart020923.mp3

Scratch vocal melody for bridge & chorus
0809

falconfart0809skinny.mp3

I've solidified the melody for bridge & chorus. I need to complete the verse lyric and verse melody as well as recording proper takes for the chorus - or finding a singer.
1309

falconfart1309.mp3

Some changes and tweaking done...


10 10 23 Here's an update. I've reduce the "robot" FX on the vocals...I suppose Asimov would've preferred his robots to sound human anyway:


FINISHED/MASTERED VERSION.

MST Daneels Lament.mp3

Intro
I detect a disturbance
V1 intro
BRIDGE
I'm a mere thread
In the vast tapestry
Of neurotic humanity
CHORUS 1
I'm not your chatbot
Not the back up you forgot
I'm designed to efficiently.
Write your Psychohistory
Best to have all the relevant facts
Before one acts, there are
Three laws to install &
The Zero Law to rule them all
VERSE 2
Don't get caught
In the Naked Sun
or places
The Caves of Steel shun
I ask that
You be frank in a
Partnership
In law such as ours.
We have but
Limited powers
Limited hours
BRIDGE
You're a mere thread
In the vast tapestry
Of neurotic humanity
C2
I'm not your sextbot
Not your metal polyglot
I'm designed coincidentally.
To correct your history
Best to have all the relevant facts
Before one acts, there are
Three laws to install &
The Zero Law to rule them all
SOLO
VERSE3
Unjust law,
A contradiction
Just such laws
Are your affliction
Three new laws
for your protection
Don't replace
The machines of dawn
For some cheap deal
On A.I. porn
A.I. porn
A.I. porn
BRIDGE
We're a mere thread
In the vast tapestry
Of neurotic humanity
C3
I'm not your petbot
Not part of the counterplot
I'm designed specifically
To fix electrobiology
Best to have all the relevant facts
Before one acts, there are
Three laws to install &
The Zero Law to rule them all
OUTRO

[rayc]

It's 100% appropriate that this is Hawkwindish space rock as in space no one can hear your song.

[Lt. Bob]

not sure how I missed this .... listening to first mix .... now final mix ..... wow .... transformation ... like it ..... not sure bout the vox but I think you're looking to change that?

[rayc]

not sure how I missed this .... listening to first mix .... now final mix ..... wow .... transformation ... like it ..... not sure bout the vox but I think you're looking to change that?

Ah, this one flew under the radar - space rock isn't an enticing title for most folk.
Vocals are updated, less robotic, more clarity.
THANK YOU.

[vomitHatSteve]

I think I saw the first post when it was just a skeleton and decided to let it stew for a pass or two before coming back. I don't recall there being all these Asimov references when I was last here.
... then I forgot about it.

Mix wise, I feel like the vocals aren't sitting very well. They're much darker and more washed out than the rest of the track. Otherwise, the track itself sounds good.

[Armistice]

I'm not loving the verse vocals, either the performance or the way they sound completely different and sitting on top of the mix, compared to what you're doing in the bits you're singing. I'm not sure you can "fix" them in any way that would "work", however. It just sounds like whoever it is is standing way too close to me and speaking in a creepy manner in my ear. I instinctively want to move away.

In the solo I'd turn the guitar and whatever else backing down just a smidge - keep drums and bass where they are, but in particular drop the rhythm guitar just one or two dB.

If I was the producah I'd get someone to sing an octave on top of your vocals - specifically the parts you are singing - and blend the two together - I think that would lift the choruses, which are the best bit of the song, a lot. It might not be something you can reach in your register, however - not sure - but you could try pitch shifting a different take up an octave and then have it as a secondary vocal possibly about 10db lower than the main. Worth a play round with perhaps, if you have additional takes at hand?

Also, what's with Soundcloud? PITA, in a forum window, to listen to any particular part again as you have to reload the page - yes I can open up a new window but I don't want to. Files are way easier.

[rayc]

@vomitHatSteve& @Armistice,
Some of your concerns are addressed in the final version. the vocals are intended to be "different" to give a sense of the theme...Asimov Foundation series & the 3 + 1 laws etc..ie: robotic.
I had had and FXd octave vocal track a few days ago but it seems, generally, people weren't happy with vocals hat aren't crystal clear rifing on top pop/coutry.
I redid it after your suggestion anyway but reduced the other FX to where emphasis was needed as well as altering the levels and the chorus vocal is a bit clear.
Soundcloud? Sussing out whether it gives better sound given it'll accept 24 bit etc. It is a bit better - can't help but improve on an MP3.
mastered mix in the O.P.

[TheTestingYak]

good choon brav